no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
