Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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