you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
