K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize