You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
