my text book just quoted the cookie monster
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
