Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
