If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
