i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
