The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
