Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
