the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
