I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
