I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
