Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
