I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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