Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
