Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize