Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
