are you still at the devil's house?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
