And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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