She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
