So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
