You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
