Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
