The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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