and next time when you feel me up, do it right
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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