my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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