I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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