Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
