I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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