All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
