Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
