You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
