just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
