His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You made out with two different species that night
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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