My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
