she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
