i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
