Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Randomize
