making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
