Pappa wants mamma naked
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
