I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You took a bar mat shot.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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