im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
