So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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