just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
