we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
