FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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