my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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