oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
