If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
birth control should be required to get into college
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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