This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
