I got chris browned last night
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
