Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
