Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
