I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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