I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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