Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
