At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
