woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
