I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
