fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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