he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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