if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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