my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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