At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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