the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
