Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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