Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My penis needs a shock collar
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
