Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize