I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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