great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
