sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
